How’s your resiliency? Experts say that resiliency, mental toughness or grit supports effective stress management and success. Realizing that resiliency isn’t part of your innate emotional landscape? Join the club.

I’ve had a hard time figuring out what mental toughness really is and how it functions in polite society.

When political leaders are mentally tough they can also seem cruel. The same goes for strict parents and rigid employers. This version of toughness relies on controlling others or redesigning the world in your own image.

How many people might you alienate?

Without help, developing socially acceptable resilience is difficult. Fortunately, improving your life is easier when you form new habits that support mental toughness.

Train for Resiliency



Have you ever watched a belly dancer? The gyrations, shimmies and flutters look impossible until you understand the building blocks – isolated muscle movements executed in infinite combinations. Remove the drumming and costuming and you see skill, learned incrementally and practiced enough to form a habit. People gain resilience the same way. It’s mental discipline, practiced enough to form a habit. Consider tackling:

  • accountability– Far from self-blame, mentally tough people recognize their weaknesses. Instead of making excuses or shifting responsibility mentally tough people look for opportunities to grow by learning from their mistakes.
  • limits– Part of accountability, setting limits is your exercising power over your life and what you find acceptable. Mentally tough people avoid letting others influence their mental state.
  • kindness– Being kind to yourself is difficult, but tough people use self-talk that is kind and understanding, instead of harsh and punishing. You are your own best friend so nurture yourself so.
  • confidence– Not the unruly optimism that many look for, but a calm mindset. Resilient people have replaced a tendency toward negative thoughts with hope.
  • awareness– Resilient people recognize their emotions and understand when they must show behavior that is contrary to their feelings.

Resiliency’s components seem simple. It’s the change that is hard. Fear of rejection from friends and family can block change, but having a coach gives you emotional support without judgment. Luckily, you don’t have to find a therapist. Between self-help books, a stress management coach and systems that help you take those first steps you can discover your calmer self in a few weeks.

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Copyright 2016 Insanity's Daughter
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